Software salesmen and used-car salesmen differ in that the latter know when they are lying.
Why do sin and tan work? Just cos.
Child: Dad, why does the sun rise in the east and set in the west? Dad: Son, it's working, don't touch
A product manager walks into a bar, asks for drink. Bartender says no, but will consider adding later.
Software developers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.
A QA engineer walks into a bar. Runs into a bar. Crawls into a bar. Dances into a bar. Tiptoes into a bar. Rams a bar. Jumps into a bar.
Optimist: The glass is half full. Pessimist: The glass is half empty. Programmer: The glass is twice as large as necessary.
Two bytes meet. The first byte asks, 'Are you ill?' The second byte replies, 'No, just feeling a bit off.'
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI.
Why do programmers confuse Halloween with Christmas? Because OCT 31 == DEC 25
An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, 'Can I join you?'
A good programmer is someone who always looks both ways before crossing a one-way street.
There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary and those who don't
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, that's a hardware problem.
Why did the programmer quit his job? Because they didn't get arrays.